Proof that the Cinema Gods Hate Us: Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

This is the coolest thing about this post.

Ruining your childhood since forever.

Yes. Let this soak in for a hot sec. Michael Bay is producting a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action/CG mix. To top it off, Bay has tapped Jonathan Liebesman to direct. Leibesman has previously directed critically acclaimed films such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Battle: Los Angeles, and Wrath of the Titans. Oh wait. Those weren't critically acclaimed. They were just bloated, CGI-infested excuses for movies. So Liebs and Bay are a match made in heaven. If heaven was full of crappy VFX and explosions. The only redemptive quality of this project are writing duo Josh Appelbaum and André Nemec, both of which worked on the script to Mission: Impossible- Ghost Protocol, which wasn't terrible.

Obviously, the news that Bay is producing a TMNT film reboot has caused quite a frenzy amongst fanboys of the pizza-loving, sewer dwelling reptiles. To further rub salt in fanboy wounds, Bay has renamed the film to simply, Ninja Turtles. Why? Well, they're not really "mutant" anymore. According to Bay, these turtles will be from space. So Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles. TANT. One letter away from what this project actually is to the film world. Cowabunga. 

Warner Brothers' Rough 2013 Start

And we act surprised
that this flopped?

UPDATE: Jeff Robinov and Bruce Rosenblum have left the studio

While the multi-billion dollar corporation isn't necessarily stressing out just yet, Warner Bros. should be a bit concerned over the recent under-performing flicks they have released. Even with an all-star cast, Gangster Squad had a disappointing release and theatrical run. Warner was hoping to tap into the male audience with its release of Sly Stallone's Bullet to the Head, but it looks like there is a serious disinterest in the macho man style films these days. Fantasy film Beautiful Creatures didn't live up to expectations either, even though it boasted a solid cast. Recently, Jack the Giant Slayer stumbled at the box office, and The Incredible Burt Wonderstone failed to light up the box office, even with a trifecta of Steve Carell, Jim Carey, and Steve Buscemi.

Help with a JLA film.
PLEASE!

In a recent statement to The Times, Jeff Robinov, President of the WB Picture Group, expressed his disappointment with Warner's dismal box office return. However, Robinov doesn't seem too concerned with the slow start, as "...the last three or four months of the year looks incredibly strong." Even though the summer to winter lineup looks good, Warner Bros. easy money years seem to have passed.

In the past, Warner Bros. could bank on Nolan's Batman trilogy and the Harry Potter franchise to rake in the cash. However, this year features no Potter film or sure-fire successful superhero film for the studio.

When taking over in the beginning of March, freshly minted CEO Kevin Tsujihara was probably hoping for a bit better in terms of box office success. However, like Robinov, Tsujihara doesn't seem too fazed by the slow start. Some outside concerns about the studio's future remain, though.

Veronica Mars and the Power of Kickstarter

A recent Kickstarter campaign for a movie based on the formerly popular show, Veronica Mars, received an inordinate amount of money. The Kickstarter raised well over the target $2 million in under 12 hours, a Kickstarter record. Needless to say, the film will be going into production soon, and is set for a limited release in 2014.

Fans of Veronica Mars are most likely beside themselves with glee (almost as much as Kristen Bell is when she sees a sloth. Almost.), as they have waited 6 long years for some Mars news. While Kickstarter isn't a new thing to filmmakers (over 30 films are Kickstarter funded at this year's SXSW and YouTube channels are no strangers to the site), this recent Kickstarter project does have fans of other long-cancelled shows eagerly anticipating a possible Kickstarter of their favorite show.

However, fans of Terriers, Pushing Daisies, Firefly and Chuck need to chill out. Seriously. Don't get so excited. The odds of a Kickstarter campaign for any of these shows are marginal at best.

Emma Watson Denies Fifty Shades of Grey Rumors

It looks like teenage boys and creepy men with pencil-staches will be quite disappointed with this news, but it looks like Hermione just isn't into bondage and S&M. The Harry Potter starlet took to Twitter to debunk the many rumors swirling around that had her playing Anastasia Steele.

Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Grey as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life.
— Emma Watson (@EmWatson) March 17, 2013

Emma Watson's reply comes on the heels of an apparently leaked report from a German movie studio, Constantin Film, by the hacking group Anonymous claimed that Watson is attached to the Fifty Shades project. The studio was quick to state that all the records that were hacked were "out of date and widely accessible" to employees. However, it didn't stop the Internet to start salivating over the thought of the Potter star headlining the erotic E.L. James adaption.

Reports of Watson being tied to a Fifty Shades of Grey film have pretty much been swirling around since the film was announced. While Watson is certainly attempting to branch out from her "good girl" image she had with the Potter franchise with The Bling Ring and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, it remains doubtful that she would go so far as to take on such a role as Anastasia Steele.

With no male or female lead and no director in sight, Universal Studios may have been too ambitious when they said the film would be released in the summer of 2014. E.L. James hand-picked Oscar nominated producers Michael De Luca (The Social Network and Moneyball) and Dana Brunetti (The Social Network) back in July of 2012, but very little has been announced since that point.

Deadpool Might be in Dev Limbo

This is most likely the news that no Marvel fan wants to hear. Although 20th Century Fox has yet to release any type of statement about the upcoming Deadpool movie, the Merc with the Mouth film adaption may be in developmental limbo. Former VFX wiz and Deadpool director, Tim Miller has been tapped to helm Fox's Artemis. No this won't be an Artemis Fowl series adaption (thankfully... because that would mean the Deadpool film would probably be dead), but rather a sci-fi action thriller set in deep space (think Lockout). Again, no official statement has been released concerning Deadpool, but it looks like Artemis will be a project that Miller focuses on first.

Well, bummer. Since Fox chose Miller to direct the untitled Deadpool film, there has been virtually zero news about it. Ergo a delay in production is really no surprise. Nonetheless, this is a pretty big disappointment, especially because many were under the impression that all it needed was the green light from Fox. Miller was the studio's third choice as director, as Robert Rodriguez and Swedish commercial director Adam Berg turned down the director's chair. While it is a bit surprising that Fox decided to use Miller for a big named, big budgeted film, he could very well be the right man for the job. He has worked has on the visual effects for Planet of the Apes, X-Men, and X-Men 2, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. 

The movie already has Zombieland writers, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, on the project, and Ryan Reynolds eagerly awaiting to wield a whole assortment of weaponry. Sure the version of Reynolds' Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine was absolutely nothing like the Deadpool in the comic books, Reynolds was an awesome Wade Wilson. He brought the right amount of sass and attitude to the role in an otherwise dismal movie.

Vampire Diaries' Nina Dobrev as Lara Croft?

With the release of the newest Lara Croft video game, Tomb Raider, rumors of the possibility of a film adaption have swirled. While video game adaptions have been, too be blunt, awful, there seems to be a renewed interest in basing films on video games. Uncharted (to be directed by David O. Russell, which is kind o the best), Assassin's Creed, Splinter Cell, and even an Angry Birds movie are in the works, and now it looks like the Tomb Raider film franchise will be rebooted like its video game counterpart.

Producer, Graham King, the man that backed The Departed, Aviator, Hugo, The Town, and Rango has teamed up with Tom Headington and both have acquired the reboot rights from Tomb Raider franchise company, Square Enix. King has expressed interest in making it a true reboot of the film franchise, as he wants to focus on a younger Lara Croft. It should be noted that her origin story is also the basis of the newest video game.

While I remain skeptical of video game adaptions, King's magic touch could very well vault  successful VG-to-film adaptions to the forefront of Hollywood. We saw it done when Sam Raimi started the comic book craze with his version of Spider-Man, and we may see a video game film kick soon as well.

Even though Angelina Jolie played the Tomb Raider heroine of the 2001 and 2003 movies, it is doubtful she will be back on board. Seeing as how King wants a younger Croft, the possibility remains very minimal that Jolie would reprise her role; although, there could be two versions of Lara Croft (aka a younger version in flashbacks as an older version tells of her adventures).

The latest version of Lara and her voice actress, Camilla Luddington

In the recent Tomb Raider video game, Camilla Luddington voiced the role of Lara Croft, and she remains tied to the film adaption. It should be noted that Croft a British archaeologist, and Luddington is indeed British. Her voice work in the video game is exceptional, and she would be an excellent choice (and an obvious one at that) to play Croft. Even though she is 29, Luddington could easily pass as a younger version of Croft.

However, another young Hollywood actress has been knocking on the door to play the role.